To my gorgeous little boy on your first birthday

1st_Birthday_truth
Photo taken by the uber talented Bree at beautiful liitle things photography.

I can still remember the day we found out that you were starting to grow big and strong in my belly. We were on our way to your older brother’s first birthday party and I felt a little off. Your dadda suggested that after the party we get a test but being the impatient human that I am I had to do it then and there (in the car). PREGNANT. I couldn’t quite believe our luck. We’d tried for so long to get your brother and now here you were, on your way without too much stress. WOW. Your dadda couldn’t quite believe it either so being the logical man he is, he bought 3 more tests from different pharmacies (because that makes a difference?!?) and we tested some more. Boom. We.Were.Pregnant.100%.

You and I shared great times while you grew inside, helped by the fact that I listened to exactly what my doctor told me to do (See…always listen to those that are wiser than you). He said, “Stace, your first baby was a tiny 1.4kg and born 2 months early. We really don’t know why your body did that so kick back, watch some daytime television, relax and eat lots of really delicious healthy things. And please, please grow this baby full term. I don’t want any more 5am calls to tell me that your waters have broken and that you mistakenly thought you were wetting your pants. Seriously Stace, how can you confuse that stuff?”

Stacey Clare Recipes
I listened, I did exactly what he said and you came into the world healthy and happy at 39 weeks to the day. My heart exploded with love for you from the second I saw you. I literally wouldn’t let the nurses take you anywhere because I wanted you on me 24/7. I just couldn’t believe I was lucky enough that you chose me to be your mumma and how perfect you were.

We went home and life was great. A few months later things changed, people got back to their own lives, your amazingly helpful grandparents returned home and your dadda went back to his long hours at work. Reality kicked in and all of a sudden, life was really tough and babe, I really struggled.

I struggled to find the time to lie down next to you and watch you kick your little legs like I did when your brother was tiny.
I struggled to find the joy in rocking you to sleep in my arms because there was always something I needed to be doing.
I struggled with the guilt of not taking 40 billion photos of you doing all your first things.
I struggled to get to mothers group so that you could have the joy of looking at other tiny humans your own age.
But mostly I struggled  with the fact that it was ok that I was struggling. 

I want you to know that all of my struggles never had anything to do with you or the fact you are my treasured second baby– because this could happen to anyone, I think it was just my turn.

I love you more than anything in this world little one, and every single tear, every sleepless night, every struggle and every little bit of heartache was worth it, worth it ten fold. You are so perfect., perfectly perfect to me. Thank you for choosing me to be your mumma. I love you to the moon and back,
Mumma x

I love the community we have here and I’d especially love to know if this post resonated with you. Did you struggle after having any of your babes? What helped you to cope? Time? Wine?

Now the soppy stuff is over it’s time to get busy writing blog posts about my little guy’s first birthday. I’m going to share with you how I made it stress free as well as all of the yummy, healthy birthday party recipes I created over the next 5 days. Honestly, I prepped this party in 4 hours, including making the cake.

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